Setting and maintaining clear work boundaries is a skill critical to success in advancement. To accomplish our goals, we must know and continually reinforce the standards that facilitate success. Yet the particulars of your job are not necessarily well-understood by the broader advancement team. At times, an organizational leader or other stakeholder may request that you give your attention to a competing priority that is outside of standard operating procedures, has unrealistic parameters, or cannot be completed without unreasonable accommodations. Navigating the art of saying “no” in these situations requires courage, understanding, and skill. In this post, we’ll explore some foundational principles and practices you can apply to grow your confidence in saying “no.”

The Fear Factor

Often, saying “no” feels like a risk not worth taking. What if our colleagues become angry with us? What if they push back? Avoiding a conflict, hypothetical or otherwise, is often preferred—even if our own priorities must be sacrificed in the process.

In a professional setting, it can feel especially intimidating to tell someone “no” when they are in a position of higher authority. Yet, these individuals share many of the same values, priorities, and goals that we do. Reasonable people usually won’t be angry when given an explanation clearly and respectfully. In such situations, you serve your colleagues, your organization, its donors, and yourself when you overcome your fears and state outright why this request is so challenging to accommodate.

Try this: Never say only “no”—get into the habit of saying, “No, but what I can do is…” You may have heard that “but” negates everything that came before it. In this situation, however, “but” opens the door to new possibilities.

Shift Your Perspective

When you get an inconvenient request from an organizational leader, it’s only natural to feel a bit defensive. Dealing with an unexpected request leaves us feeling thrown, and it’s uncomfortable to have to admit that you lack the bandwidth to say “yes.” However, keep in mind that the request is in no way a judgment or indictment of you.

When faced with unexpected requests, it helps to think about why you were asked for this. What is the underlying need, and how does the request address it? What are the higher organizational priorities, and how does this help you all achieve your goals? Even if you cannot accommodate the request personally at this time, you will be better able to acknowledge its importance and reinforce your mutual goals if you understand the requester’s perspective.

Try this: If you don’t understand, it almost never offends to say, “Help me understand.” By approaching conflicting perspectives with curiosity, we disarm defensiveness and create space for collaborative problem solving.

Just The Facts

In his book Thinking, Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman describes two different kinds of cognition: instinctive conclusions that we draw from our mind’s rapid interpretation of data (fast), and logical conclusions that we intentionally construct based on deliberate study of facts (slow). Both types of thinking have value in the art of saying “no.”

When our gut instincts tell us that a task won’t be possible, that is fast thinking—we aren’t quite sure why yet, necessarily, but we know this won’t work. This is an opportunity to slow down our thinking. By breaking the reaction down into its reasonable and just causes, we can articulate—and share—the difficulties commensurate with complying with the request. This helps make the “why” transparent, and the “no” implicit.

Try this: Contextualize facts with supporting details. Sometimes leaders embedded in the higher-level vision need additional information about day-to-day operations in order to make the best choices. Try the phrase, “It is more complicated than it seems.”

Be Flexible

Depending on the situation, our “no” may not be the final answer. Recognize that your manager or other colleagues may know more about the situation than you do. Sometimes, circumstances may require us to bend or break our usual patterns to make something extraordinary happen. In other words, saying “no” isn’t always possible—and that’s okay.

We become less reluctant to say “no” when we accept that disagreements are a natural part of professional communication, and they don’t necessarily have to be negative. A healthy debate over the right course of action, conducted respectfully, can result in better outcomes than either party had initially imagined.

Try this: Frame your “no” from a place of learning; say, “My preference is…” and provide clear reasoning. Ask “Will that work?” or “What else might work?” to open a dialogue. Remember, when we hold our ideas with an open hand, we receive two valuable benefits: we can share them with others fearlessly, and we can let them go when we must.

Saying “no” is indeed a delicate art—but like all muscles, it grows stronger with practice. A team that can be honest and realistic about its strengths, stressors, and opportunities for improvement is a strong, resilient team. As you develop this skill, focus on clear, transparent communication and continuous feedback. Remember, the ability to say “no” when necessary is not just a refusal—it’s a step toward creating a healthier, more productive organization.